• Would you prefer I said that this was a lethal explosive or that I was just happy to see you?
• I’ve got some baggage in my pants that’s been left unattended.
• Do you know what censure means? Yeah, me neither.
• If you were a member of the Nixon family, you’d be Pat. You know, because of the pats.
• If you were an 80’s-era female singer, you’d be Pat Benatar. You know, because of the pats.
• If you were a member of the Jackson family, you’d be Michael. You know, because of the…
• Have you ever seen “The Crying Game”?
• You’d think if they were going to make this required, they would at least legalize smoking on board airplanes afterwards.
• So, do you come here often?
• Is this a bad time to tell you I have this rare condition where if anyone touches a specific dime-sized area of my upper thigh I make the bond with him for life? I’m part Avatar on my mother’s side.
• If you touch my junk, I will have you arrested
• Hey can you check me for a hernia while your down there!
• Dude a little to the left
• Am a quart low or am I good for another couple hundred miles.
• Could you give me a rotation and balance after you finish the oil change?
• I feel like a couch and your the person looking for change.
• So you want to get some drinks later?
• Watch out for the python it’ll get ya!
• You know, what you’re doing makes us legally married in some states!
• Careful around the open sores!
• I’ll give you half an hour to stop that!

Add your own in the comments. 🙂

by Will Burns

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